How to Calm Down When You Have Anxiety: What Actually Works

Quick Answer: Calming down with anxiety requires personalized techniques that work with your nervous system, not against it. Some evidence-based approaches include modified breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation, but individual responses vary significantly, and these techniques don’t work for everyone. Many people with anxiety find that relaxation techniques can initially increase anxiety symptoms. This is normal and well-documented.

Why “Just Calm Down” Doesn’t Work for Anxiety

If someone has ever told you to “just calm down” during an anxious moment, you know how frustrating and unhelpful that advice can be. When you’re dealing with anxiety, your body’s alarm system is already activated, flooding your system with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline [1].

Telling yourself to relax when your brain is convinced there’s danger doesn’t just feel impossible– it can actually be impossible without the right tools.

You’re not broken if standard calming techniques don’t work immediately or at all. Research shows that people with anxiety disorders have heightened nervous system responses, making it genuinely harder to shift from an activated state to a calm one [2]. Your feelings are valid, and finding the right approach often takes time, insight, and professional guidance.

Understanding Your Anxiety Response

Your body’s stress response system evolved to protect you from immediate physical threats. When anxiety kicks in, your sympathetic nervous system (SNS) activates the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Your heart rate increases, breathing becomes shallow, muscles tense, and your focus narrows to scan for danger.

The challenge with anxiety is that your brain can’t distinguish between a real threat (like a tiger) and a perceived threat (like giving a presentation). This response affects about 40 million adults in the United States each year, making anxiety the most common mental health condition [3]. Individual responses vary widely due to factors including genetics, biochemical individuality, lifestyle and health conditions, other medications, as well as past experiences.

Important: When Relaxation Techniques Increase Anxiety

Before trying any calming techniques, it’s integral to understand that relaxation techniques can sometimes make anxiety worse, especially for people with anxiety disorders. This phenomenon, called relaxation-induced anxiety, often affects those who need these techniques most [4].

If you experience increased anxiety, panic, or distress when trying relaxation techniques:

• This is a common experience, and you’re not doing anything wrong
• Try a different approach or take a break
• Consider working with an experienced mindfulness or somatic anxiety therapist who can guide you through gradual relaxation training
• Remember that some people need medication or therapy for relaxation techniques to become helpful

Evidence-Based Calming Techniques 

1. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) – Strongest Evidence

Progressive muscle relaxation has the strongest research support for anxiety management, with multiple systematic reviews showing effectiveness [5]. This technique systematically tenses and releases muscle groups to reduce physical anxiety symptoms.

Important contraindications: Avoid PMR if you have:

• Recent muscle injuries or physical limitations
• Cardiovascular conditions (consult your doctor first)
• A history of relaxation-induced anxiety

Quick PMR Sequence (5 minutes):

Muscle Group	Tense (5 seconds)	Release (10 seconds)
Feet and calves	Point toes, flex calves	Let muscles go completely limp
Thighs and glutes	Squeeze legs together	Feel the release and heaviness
Hands and arms	Make fists, tense arms	Let arms drop to your sides
Shoulders and neck	Lift shoulders to ears	Drop and roll shoulders back
Face	Scrunch everything tight	Let your face go completely soft

Start slowly: Begin with just one muscle group if full-body PMR feels overwhelming. Many people need several sessions to feel comfortable with this technique. The most important thing to ground into is the sensation of the tension and then the release leave your body. 

2. Modified Breathing Exercises – Moderate Evidence

General breathing exercises have moderate research support, but specific techniques like 4-7-8 breathing have limited scientific validation [6]. Important: Some breathing exercises may trigger hyperventilation in some people with anxiety. If you have asthma, heart issues, or any breathing concerns, check with your doctor before trying this.

4-7-8 Technique (Limited Research)

While widely recommended, this specific pattern has limited scientific research [7]. The prolonged exhale supports shifting the body into the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) mode– which can help to put a break on the stress response mode or sympathetic nervous system (SNS) mode. If it feels too overwhelming at first— feel free to modify it so it is helpful and not inducing anxiety. 

Step	Action	Duration
1	Inhale through nose	4 seconds
2	Hold breath	7 seconds
3	Exhale through mouth	8 seconds
4	Repeat cycle	3-4 times maximum

Critical safety warnings for breathing exercises:

• Stop immediately if you feel dizzy, lightheaded, or more anxious
• Don’t force deep breathing. This often backfires with anxiety
• Start with shorter holds and build gradually
• Some people with anxiety should avoid breath-focused techniques entirely
• It may be helpful to focus on integrating important/foundational aspects of this such as taking a mindful inhale– holding it and exhaling for slightly longer– as this can help to reap the physiological benefits without getting overwhelmed or overly focused on the counting. Implement what works— while leaving the rest! 

Box Breathing (Safest Option)

This simpler technique may be more beneficial for those experiencing anxiety and wanting to engage in breathing methods to help self-soothe. 

• Inhale for 4 counts
• Hold for 4 counts
• Exhale for 4 counts
• Hold empty for 4 counts
• This technique may be especially helpful for children or teens— drawing a box may help to depict the repetitive breathing counts as well for a visual reminder. 

3. Grounding Techniques – Clinical Practice, Limited Research

Grounding techniques are widely used in clinical practice and based on established mindfulness principles, but lack specific research validation for the exact methods described below [8].

The 5-4-3-2-1 Method

Note: This technique is commonly used clinically but lacks specific research validation. It’s based on general grounding principles.

• 5 things you can see: Look around and name them quietly
• 4 things you can touch: Feel different textures near you
• 3 things you can hear: Notice sounds in your environment
• 2 things you can smell: Focus on any scents present
• 1 thing you can taste: Notice any taste in your mouth

This may help shift attention from internal worry to external awareness, but individual responses vary significantly. The more you engage in this type of mindfulness activity, the better response you’ll get over time. While there is a lot of research to back mindfulness, it does take consistency and practice (9). The point  is to trick your brain into shifting your focus on something other than your anxiety in a neutral and mindful way– by staying present in the moment and bringing neutral awareness to your environment.  

Temperature-Based Grounding

Physical temperature changes can sometimes shift your nervous system:

• Hold ice cubes or splash cold water on your face
• Take a warm shower or hold a warm cup
• Step outside for a temperature change

4. Cognitive Techniques for Anxious Thoughts

The “Is This Helpful?” Question

When caught in anxious thinking, ask yourself:

• “Is this thought helping me right now?”
• “What would I tell a friend having this thought?”
• “What’s one small thing I can do in this moment?”

Remember: Thought-challenging techniques don’t work for everyone and may increase rumination in some people.

5. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) integrates mindfulness, acceptance and commitment to our values in supporting anxiety. It helps us to take some distance or space between ourselves and our thoughts. For instance, rather than judging an anxious thought, this approach helps us to observe and recognize that we are simply having a thought. Accepting that we may be having difficult feelings or unpleasant thoughts, but are committed to being kind to ourselves and moving through the experience are other components of this approach– and cognitive flexibility [10]. 

When Professional Support Is Essential

Seek immediate professional help if:

• Anxiety interferes with daily activities for more than two weeks
• You avoid places or situations due to anxiety
• Physical symptoms are severe or concerning
• Self-help techniques consistently make anxiety worse
• You’re having thoughts of self-harm

Consider therapy or medication if:

• Self-help approaches haven’t helped after consistent practice
• Anxiety symptoms are moderate to severe
• You have multiple anxiety triggers
• Relaxation techniques increase your anxiety

Remember: Needing professional support doesn’t mean you’re weak. Many people require therapy or medication before self-help techniques become effective.

Creating Your Personal Approach 

Important reality check: These techniques don’t work for everyone. Research shows significant individual variation in response to anxiety management strategies [11].

Start Conservatively

• Choose one technique and try it when you’re already calm
• Practice for just 2-3 minutes initially
• Don’t expect immediate results. Many people need weeks of practice
• Have a backup plan if techniques increase anxiety

Notice What Actually Works for Your Body

Pay honest attention to your responses:

• Some people respond better to movement than stillness
• Others need medication before relaxation techniques help
• Many people need professional guidance to use these techniques safely
• It’s normal for techniques to work sometimes but not others

Individual Factors That Affect Response

Technique effectiveness varies based on:

• Anxiety type and severity: Panic disorder may respond differently than generalized anxiety
• Physical health conditions: Heart conditions, breathing issues, or ADHD can affect technique safety and effectiveness
• Nourishment & Sleep: Our physiological baseline has more of an impact on our stress response than we think. Ensuring that we are getting enough sleep, adequate nutrition and even sunlight exposure— are all important factors that can support us in anxiety. 
• Medication interactions: Some medications influence how relaxation techniques feel
• Past trauma: Previous negative experiences can make relaxation feel unsafe
• Cultural background: Different comfort levels with various approaches

Building Long-Term Anxiety Management

Professional Support First

For most people with anxiety disorders, professional treatment provides the foundation for effective self-help:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Has the strongest evidence for anxiety treatment
• Medication when appropriate: Can provide stability needed to use self-help techniques
• Guided relaxation training: Helps people learn techniques safely with professional oversight
• Stress Resolution Techniques: These can be implemented together initially with a practitioner– and can be helpful in terms of removing stored stress from the body. For instance, yoga or even shaking may be helpful in terms of moving stress out of the body. 

Lifestyle Factors

Consider how these affect your anxiety levels:

• Sleep quality and duration
• Caffeine and alcohol intake
• Nutrition, Sunshine & Nature 
• Regular exercise (but not intense workouts that mimic anxiety symptoms)
• Social support and stress management

The Bottom Line

Calming down with anxiety isn’t about forcing yourself to relax. It’s about finding approaches that work for your specific situation, often with professional guidance. While some techniques have research support, particularly progressive muscle relaxation, individual responses vary dramatically.

Key realities:

• These techniques commonly don’t work for many people with anxiety
• Professional treatment is often necessary before self-help becomes effective
• Relaxation can initially increase anxiety. This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong
• Medication and therapy are evidence-based treatments for anxiety and may be necessary parts of care

If self-help approaches consistently worsen your anxiety or don’t provide relief after several weeks of practice, this indicates you may benefit from professional evaluation and treatment. There’s no shame in needing additional support. Anxiety disorders are medical conditions that often require clinical intervention.

Ready to Take the Next Step in Managing Your Anxiety?

While self-help techniques can be valuable tools, professional guidance often makes the difference between struggling alone and finding real relief. At PsychPlus, our experienced providers understand that anxiety affects everyone differently and work with you to find the right combination of treatments.

Schedule a consultation today to explore personalized anxiety treatment options, including therapy, medication management, and guided relaxation training.

This content is for informational purposes and not a substitute for medical advice. These techniques are complementary approaches, not primary treatments for anxiety disorders. If you’re experiencing severe anxiety or panic attacks, please consult with a healthcare provider.

References

[1] Balban, M. Y., Neri, E., Kogon, M. M., et al. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine, 4(1), 100895. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36630953/

[2] Craske, M. G., Stein, M. B., Eley, T. C., et al. (2017). Anxiety disorders. Nature Reviews Disease Primers, 3, 17024. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28470168/

[3] National Alliance on Mental Illness. (2023). Anxiety Disorders. https://www.nami.org/about-mental-illness/mental-health-conditions/anxiety-disorders/

[4] Heide, F. J., & Borkovec, T. D. (1984). Relaxation-induced anxiety: mechanisms and theoretical implications. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 22(1), 1-12. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/6365071/

[5] Muhammad Khir, S., Wan Mohd Yunus, W. M. A., Mahmud, N., et al. (2024). Efficacy of Progressive Muscle Relaxation in Adults for Stress, Anxiety, and Depression: A Systematic Review. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 17, 345-365.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38322293/

[6] Zaccaro, A., Piarulli, A., Laurino, M., et al. (2018). How Breath-Control Can Change Your Life: A Systematic Review on Psycho-Physiological Correlates of Slow Breathing. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 12, 353. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/human-neuroscience/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2018.00353/full

[7] British Heart Foundation. (2023, December 10). 3 breathing exercises to relieve stress. https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/wellbeing/breathing-exercises

[8] Keng, S. L., Smoski, M. J., & Robins, C. J. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: a review of empirical studies. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(6), 1041–1056. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2011.04.006

[9] Hue VC, Siaw YL, Mohamad Nor A. A systematic review of mindfulness-based stress reduction in the management of anxiety disorders among adolescents and young adults aged 13-26. Asian J Psychiatr. 2025 Jun;108:104497. doi: 10.1016/j.ajp.2025.104497. Epub 2025 Apr 18. PMID: 40273802.

[10] MP, Levin ME. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a Treatment for Anxiety and Depression: A Review. Psychiatr Clin North Am. 2017 Dec;40(4):751-770. doi: 10.1016/j.psc.2017.08.009. PMID: 29080598.

[11] Stein, M. B., & Sareen, J. (2015). Clinical practice. Generalized anxiety disorder. New England Journal of Medicine, 373(21), 2059-2068. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26580998/